Three SheetsOne worth keeping

“He couldn't hit the floor with his hat.”

Too drunk to manage a task gravity does for free.

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In the same vein

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“Drunker than Cooter Brown.”

Legendarily drunk. Cooter set the standard; nobody's beaten it.

“Three sheets to the wind.”

Sails flapping, no steering, headed wherever.

“Drunk as a skunk.”

Thoroughly pickled.

“Tighter than a boiled owl.”

Very drunk, and looking about as dignified.

“Lit up like a Christmas tree.”

Glowing, wobbling, and decorated with bad decisions.