SlowpokesOne worth keeping

“He's so slow he could get beat by a three-legged mule.”

Describes someone who loses every race, literal or otherwise.

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“Slower than molasses in January.”

Barely moving at all.

“Slow as Christmas.”

Takes forever to arrive, like December to a kid.

“He moves like pond water.”

Technically in motion. Technically.

“Slow as smoke off a manure pile.”

Drifting along with no urgency and no dignity.

“He's got two speeds: slow and stop.”

And he mostly uses the second one.

“Slower than cream risin' on last year's buttermilk.”

Slower than a process that already finished a year ago.